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Are There Ways To Make a Happy Romantic Relationship Work?
http://www.consultancyfordating.com
The ability to have a healthy romantic relationship can elude many of us, not because we are unlovable or unattractive but because we simply do not know how it should be done.
We have not learnt how to behave towards others or what behaviour to expect in return. Our lessons in relationships have been gleaned from our own failures, the opinions and expectations of friends and family and of course, the glib self-help sound bites of modern gurus. From this confusing emotional landscape we are expected to make safe and rational decisions. For most of us this translates into simply throwing ourselves at each new relationship in the hope that possibly this time everything will work out. And all too often it does not. So why do we make mistakes in our relationships?
Successful romantic relationships are based on several key factors; the first of which is your own attitude towards life. Until you are clear about your own goals and your own values, you cannot hope to meet someone who suits you. Your relationship with your future partner begins with understanding what you want, what you believe, and what is important to you - rather than looking to another person to provide a meaning in life.
Similarly, one needs a clear idea of what one wants in a relationship. For instance, a specific marriage may not suit many people, but it suits this particular couple perfectly. Relationships vary wildly, from two independent souls spending plenty of time apart to couples who do everything together. However, there is no point pursuing a relationship with someone whose idea of perfection for a good relationship is diametrically opposed to yours.
Successful relationships do not require that couples share every experience or interest - we all know the adage that opposites attract - but in my experience they do require a basic similarity in some areas - mainly morality, life experience, future hopes and outlook.
By way of explanation, firstly, in terms of morality two people can hold completely different religious beliefs or none at all, but share a common moral outlook. They will treat people in a certain way and have similar standards of honesty and integrity.
Happy relationships last a long time, and without a shared vision of where life will take you any relationship will come under extreme pressure. Flashpoints can include whether to have children, how many to have and when; where to live; what happens when parents are elderly and need care. People who can agree on these issues in advance have a greater chance of success than those who stumble from one crisis to another.
This is followed by a general outlook; while we may know couples where one partner is morose and the other is outgoing there is a lot to be said for a partner who is good-natured and willing to approach challenges in a positive and optimistic way.
And finally, harmony in a romantic relationship depends on how you treat each other. Having decided what you want from life and having found a mate whose personality, outlook and ambitions match yours it will all be for nothing if you allow petty power struggles and daily annoyances to erode the love and affection between you.
Kindness and appreciation are the most important factors in a healthy partnership. Be reasonable and gentle with each other. It is easy to get into the habit of snapping and criticizing (and hard to lose it.) But equally it is surprisingly easy to form the habit of being pleasant to one another. If you snap, apologize. If you feel hurt accept that it may not be intentional. Consider how your partner may feel about the situation and make amends. Say please and thank you; make the one you love feel better for knowing you. You won't always succeed but if you do most of the time, you will win more this way than any hollow victory gained as the result of a squabble.
This only works of course if both partners try it. Never become the supplicant in your relationship; no one should be the one always to give in, always in the wrong. If you are being treated badly, no matter how strongly you feel about your partner, then you are not in the right relationship. By definition a good relationship will make you feel happy; your partner should add to, not detract from your life.
Lasting romantic relationships require that they be worked on at all times and a high level of commitment should be demonstrated. This should not only be directed to your partner but to yourself and the kind of life you want, because the rewards in the end are worth it.
Tatyana Jacques MSc. Is a Professional Dating Coach and Match Maker. Tatyana offers profile writing, dating coaching, an exclusive Match Making Agency and seminars for men and women as well as e-books. You can find out more about these services at http://www.consultancyfordating.com
Article submitted Sunday, June 12, 2011 & read 2 times.
Tatyana Jacques MSc. Is a Professional Dating Coach and Match Maker. Tatyana offers profile writing, dating coaching, an exclusive Match Making Agency and seminars for men and women as well as e-books. You can find out more about these services at http://www.consultancyfordating.com
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