Is He Wrong or Am I Right?

by Megan Kensi
tao consultants

Arguably one of the most difficult conflicts to overcome is when both parties want to be right. The very expectation of the desired outcome seems impossible. But is it?

What does being right really mean?

If it means I am right and you are wrong, resolution of any argument is basically impossible. But if each party can acknowledge that a difference of opinion does not require the polarization between being wrong or right, conflict melts away easily.

No such thing as right or wrong?

For most people, this is a controversial concept to wrap their head around. How can there be no wrong when we see the evil actions of others around us all the time? Think of it this way: no one intentionally does something wrong. What they do may be wrong in your eyes, but in their eyes, they have some justification for their actions; otherwise, they would not being taking that action or saying those words. What you are calling wrong is, in fact, just a different viewpoint.

Now this does not excuse harmful or damaging actions against others. Consequences are still what we all have to face for our actions. And a society still requires standards and laws to promote peaceful coexistence. But beyond that, each viewpoint has its validity whether we agree with it or not.

Resolving differences:

Remember the saying, Make no judgments until you have walked a mile in another's moccasins? By placing yourself across the table and using their eyes to look at you, you may find a middle ground that at least allows a place of compromise or acceptance of any differences. Until you have lived in the skin of another, you simply cannot see the world the same way. However, this still may be difficult -- sometimes the differences are so severe that understanding is never possible.

Another way of viewing your source of conflict is to realize that almost all negative actions are based in fear: fear of disapproval; fear of reprisal; fear of the unknown; fear of humiliation; and on and on. Test yourself: When do you get angry or hurt or argumentative? What are you fearing at that moment? If you can give your conflict partner the benefit of being human as you would yourself, differences can be resolved. It's a matter of attitude and not needing to always be right.

Find some compassion:

Compassion is not always what you think. It isn't love, peace and Woodstock; rather it is reaching out to find a place in your heart where you can acknowledge that another is suffering and you feel some concern for their situation as another human being -- regardless of whether or not you even like or love them. Compassion is a place of acceptance and acknowledgement that everyone has a right to their own ideas, thoughts and actions and will certainly experience the consequences of those actions.

Compassion is not always comfortable, but it is always a means of finding a middle ground from which to communicate toward a better understanding and acceptance of another's difference of opinion.

Doing the best we can with what we have

When you accept that each individual is really doing their best even if it appears to be their worst -- and that the only tools they have are the tools they own, compassion is not out of reach. Neither is compromise, acceptance or tolerance. Just consider yourself -- don't you think you are doing the best you can most of the time? Even when you know you're not working up to par or when you're shouting when all you want is for the argument to end, you have your reasons. Those reasons can usually be traced to some fear of loss that creates an inappropriate coping mechanism for the stress you're feeling. But at the very foundation of it all -- you're doing the best you can with what you have at that moment. And remember, so is everyone else.

So am I right or is he wrong? What does it matter? The only task at hand is to find a common ground of understanding to end the disagreement.

©2010 TAO Consultants, Inc. All rights reserved.

Article submitted Friday, August 20, 2010 & read 83 times.

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» left by Grace O'Malley (1 year 175 days ago.)

Brava Megan, very well said. We all need to learn compassion and empathy towards others. The world, if even your little corner of it, will become a better place.

Welcome to SearchWarp.

Grace
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» left by Nenita Wells (1 year 174 days ago.)

Hi Megan. Welcome to SearchWarp.

"Make no judgments until you have walked a mile in another's moccasins? By placing yourself across the table and using their eyes to look at you, you may find a middle ground that at least allows a place of compromise or acceptance of any differences." What a great way to resolve differences!

Well done and well said.

All the best.~~Nenita
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» left by Warren Aldridge (1 year 172 days ago.)

Welkommen to Searchwarp
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