Satirically Yours # 5: Slippery Slope

by Morris Inch⁽¹⁾

You may recall that Jim was rebuffed in his attempt to gain admission through the pearly gates (cf. my earlier article Satirically Yours # 2: One of Those Days). This was difficult for him to accept. "If God gave me a mind," he reasoned, "and I concluded that he did not exist, then he is at fault."

Since the day was far spent, he decided to make his way along the path to the nether world until he found a convenient place to rest for the evening. He had not gone far before the slope became more steep and precarious. At one point, he stumbled. He laid there for a moment, but no one came to his assistance.

Picking himself up, he determined that no serious injury had incurred. He thought of retreating, so as to find more level ground. Glancing up, the incline looked imposing. It would assuredly take a great deal of effort to retrace his steps, and he decidedly did not feel up to the task.

The situation seemed to go from bad to worse. Persons were slipping and sliding, and in the process colliding with one another. "Look out where you are going!" one shouted at him-although having initiated the contact.

"Same to you!" Jim countered. He was in no mood to tolerate indiscretion, let alone incrimination.

Just then a matronly woman fell up against him. "Pervert," she accused him.

"Don't you wish," he retorted. Gathering that he had gotten the better of the interchange, he laughed in derision.

There was barely enough light for him to make out the way ahead. As he peered into the semi-darkness, he could see a ledge on which several persons were perched. Carefully making his way, he pulled himself up beside them. "Welcome," a heavy-set man heartily greeted him. "I take it that you are new in these parts."

Jim allowed that this was the case. "Pray tell," he inquired of the stranger, "who are you?"

Squaring off his shoulders, the man emphatically replied: "I am Bishop Northfield at your service."

"What are you doing here?" Jim pressed him. It seemed a curious place to find a man of the cloth, let alone an ecclesiastical dignitary.

"We are awaiting transportation to the nether world," the cleric readily divulged. "Meanwhile, we have been passing the time with edifying conversation." Whereupon, he introduced Jim to professor Overbite, said to be a renowned academic.

Sensing the new arrival's confusion, Oberbite allowed that there were some anti-social folk in their midst. Accordingly, he introduced a grimacing individual by the name of Mr. Caldwell. It seems that Caldwell was perceived as a hardened criminal.

"Tell him about your religious conversion," the professor encouraged the menacing character.

"Well," Caldwell cautiously began, "a prominent evangelist was holding services in our community. I decided to attend out of curiosity. When he gave an invitation, I went forward along with a goodly number of other persons." At this, he paused for effect.

What then?" Overbite impatiently pressed him.

"My associates watched to see if I would change my ways," he allowed. "When they could see no pronounced alteration, they inquired concerning my intent."

"And?" the professor prompted him.

"I informed them that just as there are religious businessmen, so there are religious criminals," he replied.

"You are pulling my leg," Jim protested. At which, Caldwell simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Who can say what is right or wrong?" Northfield mused. "What seems right to one person, seems wrong to another, and vice-versa."

"I was told that Scripture serves as normative for your faith and practice," Jim protested. This had been shared with him by a devout practitioner of the faith.

"Yes," the cleric allowed. "Providing, that is, we must take into consideration cultural differences." In this regard, he insisted on a living text, one that would accommodate subsequent cultural norms. Jim was about to ask for clarification, when Northfield turned to more practical matters. "Let us enjoy a cup of tea together," he enthused.

"Its not really tea," the professor whispered, "but a bitter brew derived from roots. The bishop imagines that it serves as a welcome substitute."

Jim sipped from the cup handed to him, but could not manage the concoction. Meanwhile, the cleric drained his cup with relish.

"What do you suppose it will be like down there?" Jim inquired, gazing into the chasm below.

"We may anticipate the demonic vision," the ecclesiastical authority confidently replied. "No doubt it corresponds to the beatific vision, and may be one and the same." Jim thought to probe the matter further, but concluded that it would serve no good purpose. "Moreover," the cleric enthusiastically continued, "I am told that persons will continue to move further away from one another, allowing for welcome contemplation." This seemed to him a more favorable spin than attributing it to a sense of alienation, as suggested by C. S. Lewis.

Nonetheless, Jim was increasingly of the opinion that if one had a choice this was not the way to go. In the morning, he would make an effort to scale what now seemed to be an impossible ascent. Consequently, he settled down into a troubled sleep.

He was subsequently awakened by the bishop's unsolicited announcement, "This is the day we will create; let us be glad and rejoice in it"(cp. Psa. 118:24).

"It is at times like this that I could kill him," Caldwell grumbled-since he was a reluctant riser.

"I'm going to attempt to climb a bit higher," Jim alerted those with him.

"It is to no avail," Overbite protested. "Even were you to succeed, you would have to contend with the old man at the gate." It goes without saying that he had Peter in mind.

Jim had quite enough of this seemingly irrelevant chatter, and eased himself off the ledge. "Go with good hope," Northfield called after him. Otherwise, his departure was greeted with apathetic silence.

"The first step is the hardest," Jim reminded himself. Reaching up, he was able to grasp onto an outcropping rock. Driven by desperation, he slowly pulled himself up the slippery slope. Sometime later, he was out of sight of the bishop and his companions. The last time he saw them, they were vigorously engaged in heated discussion.

He continued to meet persons tumbling in the opposite direction. "Look out where you are going," one called out to him. Jim did not reply, since he was intent on his own endeavor.

"You pervert," a woman accused him as they brushed past one another. Again, he did not respond.

The script inexplicably breaks at this point, leaving the reader to surmise what may have eventuated. In addition, to consider the ominous implications of the slippery slope.

As a matter of information, I have not engaged in writing fiction to any great extent- Demetrius the Disciple being the prime exception.

Article submitted Wednesday, June 09, 2010 & read 241 times.

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» left by Linda DeWitt (1 year 246 days ago.)

Very interesting article. Brings to mind a story about surrender and the mountains we must climb to succeed.
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» left by Morris Inch⁽¹⁾ (1 year 246 days ago.)

Thank you for the pertinent comment.

Best wishes, Morris
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