Satirically Yours # 1: An Alien Planet

by Morris Inch⁽¹⁾

AN ALIEN PLANET

The two space explorers stared intently at the control panel before them. The senior astronaut Tubo was busily engaged in attempting to calculate the arrival time at their destination, an unpretentious planet in an equally unpretentious galaxy. His junior associate Limbo was diligently assisting him, as he had done from the outset.

The journey had to this point been largely uneventful. Such problems as had arisen were readily managed with minor adjustments. Meanwhile, the duo anticipated their encounter with strange life forms. In particular, the primal creature—whose various dialects they had been monitoring for some time. Consequently, they felt competent to communicate once the opportunity afforded itself.

" The primal creatures seems to have considerable potential, " Tubo appreciatively observed.

" If it was put to good use, " Limbo reluctantly countered. Were the matter known, it appeared to him that the primal creature more resembled a cosmic contagion, contaminating all with which it came in contact. Hence, it was an entity to be approached with considerable caution.

Just then something collided with the space craft. " What was that? " Tubo exclaimed, while peering intently out a porthole.

" Space garbage, " Limbo disapprovingly observed. He thought it a prime example of the irresponsible character of the primal creature, but did not feel disposed to labor his misgivings.

" Of the one who is given more, more is expected, " Tubo solemnly observed. He meant to allow for a more generous appraisal.

There was no guarantee that their long journey and subsequent investigation would allow them to return to the planet of their origin. However, the information gathered would serve future generations as they attempt to cope with life from a less inhibited perspective. Consequently, it was a sacrifice they were quite willing to make.

The alien planet now loomed in the distance. It seemed a welcome alternative to the cramped quarters of the space craft, provided there were no extenuating circumstances.

" Reflector shields up, " Tubo prompted his younger associate.

" Reflector shields up, " Limbo obediently complied.

" Diminish thrust, " the former continued.

" Diminish thrust, " the latter confirmed. So it went according to their check list until all was in order for their landing.

They could soon make out the terrain below. Water covered much of the landscape; in the form of oceans, lakes, rivers, and ponds. There were also mountain ranges, ridges, ravines, and plains. Cloud formations encumbered their view from time to time. " It could be a lot worse, " Limbo admitted—although he had questioned the high command’s decision to single out this planet for exploration. Conversely, the officials did not think it necessary to divulge their reasoning. This disposition gave rise to the saying: " The right way, the wrong way, and the command way. "

The space craft hovered momentarily, before settling to the ground. The travelers paused long enough to confirm that the atmosphere allowed them to breathe freely, before descending the ramp from their craft. At least in this regard, they had calculated correctly.

Their attention was quickly drawn to some round, four-legged beasts. " Do you think these are the primal creatures? " Limbo incredulously inquired.

" I think not, " Tubo confided. " They do not seem sufficiently discerning. " As if to confirm his sage observation, the creatures returned to their grazing—giving the impression that nothing out of the ordinary had transpired.

Just then a peculiar vehicle approached where they were standing. It was an exceedingly primitive invention, quite unlike the sophistication of the space craft. Coming to a screeching halt, its driver leaped to the ground. It stood erect on two feet.

" What are you doing on my property? " the creature spoke deliberately, as if to make certain that the strangers understood. They immediately recognized its speech as one the primal creatures’ dialects.

Taken back by the appearance of the astronauts, the alien inquired from where they had come. When told that they were from outer space, it thought this highly unlikely. " Probably some fool government experiment, " it mused to itself.

Of course, the travelers had hoped for a more friendly reception. This was in keeping with the notion: " Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worse. " They felt reasonably prepared to cope with any eventually.

" In any case, " the property owner declared, " you can’t park your contraption (for lack of a better designation) on my property. " He stared in disbelief at the space craft, which had come to rest on the other side of the field from where they were engaged in conversation.

Annoyed by the confrontational attitude of the primal creature, Limbo suggested that they might consider continuing to their secondary destination. It was within range, although they would be hard pressed to accomplish their mission in the abbreviated time remaining. Tubo, however, thought they should further explore the current situation.

" Well, " the primal creature cautiously observed, " my wife will have to decide whether she wants to take you in. " The visitors were thus alerted that he was male.

His wife proved to be more amenable. While the travelers were collecting a few personal effects, she did her best to put the house in order. In contrast, her husband settled back into a rocking chair to await the arrival of their guests. He also ignored the appeal of his wife to put on something more presentable.

" I am surprised that the primal creature’s command has not taken notice of our arrival, " Limbo reflected aloud.

" Or having noted it, they have not reacted, " Tubo pensively added. While, indeed, the matter had come to the attention of the authorities. At which point the report was channeled up through the chain of command. As a result, an imposing task force was quickly assembled to investigate the matter.

So it was that a military contingent soon arrived at the place where the voyagers were to be quartered. The husband stared in disbelief as armored vehicles and support troops made their way toward his residence. His initial response was to reach for his shotgun, but wisely thought better of it.

Instead, he addressed the military contingent. " Get off my property! " he shouted at them. " You are tearing up my yard. "

They were not deterred in the least by his protests, and inquired as to the whereabouts of his guests—which were seen earlier talking with him.

It was at that critical juncture that the space travelers made an appearance. Surveying the menacing array of armed combatants, Limbo whispered: " Perhaps we had best make a break for it. "

Instead, Tubo attempted to reason with the new arrivals. " We come in peace, " he assured them. He also managed a broad grin, which he had determined constituted a friendly gesture.

" How can we know that you are not terrorists? " they countered. This seemed a likely scenario, given recent attacks on an unsuspecting populace. Then, too, these were exceedingly strange looking folk—quite unlike any of those living in these parts.

Given his extensive training, the commanding officer quickly appraised the situation. " Either you leave, " he resolutely informed the visitors, " or we will take you into custody. " Furthermore, he did not seem disposed to prolong the issue, but expedite matters as soon as feasible.

Now, of course, the space explorers could have obliterated the entire military task force with their advanced technology, were this to serve any worthwhile purpose. However, this was not in keeping with their exploratory mission.

Accordingly, they withdrew to their space ship. Once in flight, Tubo inquired: " What did they say was the name of their planet, and how did they identify themselves? "

" I think they said it was earth, " Limbo replied, " and they are humans. "

" Enter it as such in the log, " he was directed. " And warn persons that might be coming this way that the primal creature is hostile, lest they unnecessarily endanger themselves. "

" Providing they do not self-destruct, " his associate caustically replied. " As might well be the case. "

" But by the grace of God, " Tubo earnestly echoed. So it was that the alien planet gradually disappeared from sight.

It, nonetheless, bears repeating: " But for the grace of God. "

Article submitted Thursday, March 25, 2010 & read 273 times.

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