It Only Hurts When I think About It

by Kathy Eberly⁽¹⁾
kathy eberly

Sometimes I think that I grew up in the wrong era. I'm not sure what time period I would have picked for myself, but sometimes I feel out of place. Can I get a witness on that one? I don't remember too much about my early childhood days but I do remember feeling like I was an important person in the lives of my maternal grandparents whom I absolutely adored. I can remember riding in the car with them. I would be in the middle and we would be singing joyfully to the top of our lungs. Ah, those were the good old days! Then time marched on and before I knew it I was in school. Because I was so sickly as a small child, I remember having to change classes in kindergarten and attend in the morning when all my friends went in the afternoon. That had to have been traumatic. I really don't remember. I do remember only having one friend in the whole trailer park where we lived. Her name was Elizabeth and she was my best friend. Funny, I can still see her blonde hair and her pretty smile. I remember she had several other siblings.

Time marches on and so do we. We moved around quite a bit before settling for where we would spend my adolescent and teen years. What I do remember of those days is very difficult to talk about. Even my friends seemed absent during those times. It's during the pre-teen and teenage years that we develop our sense of who we are that prepares us for future events like dating and marriage. I recently talked with a young lady who told me that she always thought that I was pretty. Funny, no one ever told me that. Usually those comments came from elderly aunts and grandmothers, never peers and certainly not to me. It was usually referred to when speaking about the girl down the block or other popular girls in school and church. Being a " pleaser " personality I made it a point to " please " the adults since I wasn't doing such a great job in school with making friends. Looking back, that probably is what caused other students to dislike me more.

Now that I am older I realize that this happened to a lot of people and sometimes it follows them for their whole lives. They don't hear that they are worthwhile or pretty or of value and they start a cycle of trying to earn " love " in any way that they can. They figure, if I just do _______ people will want to be with me. If I do______maybe he won't hit me anymore. If I am ________maybe I will be loved. Somehow we translate that to God too, if I do _______God will love me. If I do ________well, it will bring me points in God's eyes. Yet, God says that He knows who we are and He still loves us. It says in Jeremiah 1:5: " Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you. " I don't know about you, but that's great to know and it makes me feel better just knowing that He knew all about what I would be or look like. After all, He is God. May we all realize just how important we are to God and maybe just maybe it will give us the confidence to pass it on to others!

Article submitted Thursday, February 18, 2010 & read 160 times.

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» left by Kathy Eberly⁽¹⁾ (1 year 354 days ago.)

Thank you Fran.
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