Lunch With a Friend Taught the Meaning of Life

by Bill Chandler
Hope and Healing Dynamics

Hooked-up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while today. And I'm very glad we had lunch together. You know, the lessons life unexpectedly throws our way can be absolutely amazing. She taught me one such lesson.

Suzanne and I were in the same cohort throughout grad school. I'll never forget that very first class, as sixteen of us gathered for what would be the first of many experiences together over the next two years. As I looked around the room I noticed a woman with a very stylish "crew-cut." And I entertained the thought that the look could be the result of a medical situation. As our first semester continued, Suzanne, indeed, confirmed it was.

Being in a graduate counseling program, every member of the cohort had their moment in the self-disclosure sun. Suzanne shared she'd recently had a benign tumor removed from her brain, followed by grueling physical therapy to get her walking again. And she endured a second procedure to insert a shunt in response to hydrocephalus. As she embarked upon her master's work Suzanne had to confront some post-operative learning and memory issues that were a formidable barrier to her academic success. And with great resolve, she moved forward, graduating with the rest of us.

But her medical challenges continued. Suzanne was diagnosed with breast cancer, and though the cancer presented in only one breast, she elected to have a double mastectomy.

As we lunched, Suzanne provided an update on her medical situation; revealing some upsetting hearing loss, as well as vision issues. She also told me her memory and cognitive issues continued. Naturally, she wonders if her new symptoms suggest another brain tumor or, perhaps, a cancer relapse. But, in spite of it all, Suzanne's outlook and spirit are remarkably positive and admirable.

Always in search of any insight I can muster regarding the true meaning of life, I asked Suzanne how she justified getting up every morning. She simply said it was all about the pleasure of knowing a new day had arrived and a true appreciation for life and the opportunity to serve others. And it was very clear her medical situation had great impact upon her feelings.

I shared with Suzanne the thoughts and feelings of a man I worked with several years ago. Marty presented for an assessment because he was experiencing a good deal of depression and wanted to understand its origin, as well as learn how to manage it. Well, in the midst of the assessment I stopped everything, looked at Marty and asked, "What is it that's really gnawing at you?"

Marty survived a ruptured aortic aneurysm earlier in the year. Of course, he knew he really ought to be dead. And that was the problem. He wasn't. And he couldn't understand why he didn't feel a deep sense of gratitude for his good fortune. Marty couldn't experience what he expected to be a true sense of wonder and purpose upon awakening each and every morning; the very joy Suzanne experiences. And his dilemma was wearing him down.

So here are two people alike in their immediate life experience, yet vastly different in the take away. One finds a zest for life, and the other is frustrated he can't. I believe this contrast is a call to action for each of us to ponder what this thing called life truly means. What's really the point? And I'm thinking a good place to start is to consider how we'd respond were we in Suzanne's and Marty's shoes. Hmmm.

Yes, I'm glad Suzanne and I hooked-up today

Article submitted Friday, October 09, 2009 & read 794 times.

The evolution of Bill's life passion, counseling, is based in his personal battles with panic disorder, depression, and alcoholism. In their midst, he swore if he got out of the mess he was in he'd help others do likewise. Well, he did and it became time to deliver on his commitment.

Bill's approach with clients is grounded in respect, hope, empathy, education, challenge, and the realization of dreams. He doesn't look to tell anyone what to do, rather he talks about goals and how to transition them to reality.

In addition to doing psychiatric emergency work, Bill continues to do a lot of writing and speaking. Bill is a member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (N.A.M.I.). He resides in the western suburbs of Chicago where he enjoys time with his two teenage children.

Please visit his blog...
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» left by Brianna Popsickle (2 years 117 days ago.)

We can consider how we would respond if we were in Suzanne and Marty's shoes but we can't know until we are there. Of course we would all like to think we would be a Suzanne. You said her medical situation had a great impact on her feelings, but I'd be interested in knowing how she lived life before her medical issues. Did she always live her life with such purpose? I'm always inspired when I meet people like her who have a zest for life and carry on no matter what life throws their way. Then there are the Marty's who haven't yet found their purpose.

It's a journey, and a complicated one. It helps to surround yourself with 'Suzannes', but Suzannes are a rare find.
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» left by kenny from Fall River, Mass (2 years 117 days ago.)

*** Brilliant insights Brianna! It's true we are all different, and will never truly know what it's like to walk in another's shoes, or what makes them tick during such difficult circumstances. I have all I can do to keep a close watch on what makes me tick some days.

As for Bill's question, "...a call to action for each of us to ponder what this thing called life truly means. What's really the point?"

My personal opinion is this Bill - There is NO point FOR US, but there is a point for the ENERGY that's within us! We are made from atoms (Energy) which are run by opposing mechanisms. These mechanisms care about one basic principle - SURVIVAL. They work together tirelessly for that sole purpose. Energy doesn't hear or care about what we think. It has an agenda all its own.

This energy is always alive in one form or another. It can take on the form of a mountain, a river, a brain, a rabbit, a human and all other things just as it always has, but never does it care WHAT form it is, WHY it is here, Who's body it is or was in, or WHAT it's purpose is. It only cares to continue on in one form or another – that's called SURVIVAL.

Energy can not be created or destroyed. Only the form it represents at any given time can die or be destroyed - as well as any thoughts and beliefs which the form carried with it along the way. Forms are like the "outer skin" of a snake. When it gets old, dries, and flakes away - a newer skin replaces it.

Suzanne and Marty's attitudes are different yes, but when each eventually perishes, the end result is the same. The energy which they each once possessed, will move on to another form and survive just fine without their beliefs, anger, happiness, loves, hates, faiths, etc. etc.

We ALL come from the same source, and we can not exist without this energy, but the energy does not require OUR form or existence to survive. It will always find other forms in which to house itself.

That's why I say "There is no God." THERE IS ENERGY! People created God to satisfy their need for answers to their contemplations and questions, and most times the very people who believe in God are the most miserable and least satisfied of all. WHY? Because their beliefs have no connection to the energy that continues to survive without them. The energy won't slow down at their command, nor will it make any sense for them; thus their frustrations.

It's like getting on the train and after a while we realize we are on the wrong train. Do we say, "Hey you're going the wrong way - turn around?" I don't think so. Instead we have to wait till the train stops, and in the meantime we hang on! The train is the energy, and we are the form that's going along for the ride whether we like the direction it's going or not. It's in charge of us, not the other way around.

Energy is not affected by my feelings, beliefs, or ideas. A form such as a mountain's is affected by millions of years of rainfall, but the atoms that once made up the mountain, later became rocks, then stones, pebbles, and eventually dust. Whatever forms develop over time, the energy remained the same regardless of the form's shape and/or size. Energy is everywhere and changeless.

The energy within us gives birth to our ambiguous behaviors, but our behaviors have no power over those opposing forces. I now try to embrace those forces rather than trying to impose my beliefs upon them, which are always irrelevant and a serious waste of "energy" anyway.

I find my life much more satisfying knowing I never asked to be here. Energy created me - I didn't create it. I am like a young child who doesn't contemplate everything anymore, but who instead "lives with it." However, I am much more than that. I am an adult who "lives with it," and knows why I do."

Energy gives me voice to pass along what I know and have learned about "it" for those who have ears to listen. Energy gives me the ears to listen to those who have that same voice, and who also know and have learned. I benefit from their courage to see and relay to me these truths, while I still have these ears to listen. My mind is more clear now then at any point in my life.

I thank all of you who have surrendered your smokescreens of beliefs and prejudices that were once run by your egos. You are hero's.

Marty seems to be one of these people: He probably had much faith that his life had great purpose and meaning, but then when his position of importance came into question, he let himself get disconnected from the energy. He tried to govern the energy with "his beliefs" about how the energy should behave, what it's about, and how it fits in with his way of thinking. This is common. All humans have tried this at one time or another. It takes time to learn we are not the center of the universe. We are a form that is governed by the center of the universe- energy! AND FOR GOOD OR BAD, WE CAN NOT AND WILL NOT, EVER GOVERN IT!

Like I said earlier. I never asked to be here. I am a form that will never fully know the whole of WHY I exist, but I do know I am here by and for energy's sake, and energy is not here just for mine. Humans, animals, and things are only temporary. Energy always was and always will be.

I probably should have used this comment as an article since it is more like an article than a comment. Hey, maybe I will.

Thanks Bill! Good read.

Kenny St. Pierre
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» left by Marijo Phelps from mountain meadow CO (2 years 117 days ago.)

Thanks Bill - great piece to chew on and reflect. Marijo
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