Wedding Accommodations: A Groom's Side Survey

Here is a real survey that was sent to groom's side family members in preparation for Ryan's wedding accommodations.

1) If you were going to spend between a few days to a week at a rented vacation home, maybe with a couple of your dearest siblings and perhaps a couple of their kids -- what would your preferences be?
A - seaside place with water -- maybe a dock, maybe a kayak, depending, out of doors
B - quaint historic-type home in quaint history-filled city, walk to museums, dock, restaurants
C - quaint place in town in quaint seaside village
D - Neither -- my family drives me crazy, why would I do that? I'd just as soon smack myself on a bruise repeatedly

2) How likely are you to come to the wedding?
A - I'm not coming unless you have the wedding in Paris, France
B - i'm not coming unless you have the wedding in Paris, TEXAS
C - I'm allergic to weddings and sentiment of any kind. Sniveling women with hats on aren't my bag
D - I'm a single chick hoping to catch the bouquet. Will there be eligible groomsmen?
E - I'm a single dude and I just watched Wedding Crashers. Will there be eligible bridesmaids?
F - I'm single and above such sexist comments. Will there be a buffet?
G - You couldn't pry me out of this town with a crow bar. Have a nice wedding
H - Very likely
I - Not at all likely and that doesn't mean send them an invite anyway so they'll at least send a present

3) How long would you be interested in spending at said place?
A - Since we'll go to the expense of getting there, and there may be free food, might as well stay a week
B - I can't be away from my own bed hardly at all -- rehearsal night and wedding night is all
C - I wouldn't dream of shared accommodations as my family offends me or I am allergic to everything and everyone or I just need plenty of down time
D - I need to get out of town for a month as I've absconded with club funds. Count me in for as long as I can mooch

4) There will be meals provided for the rehearsal dinner, and for the wedding. Otherwise, which option appeals to you?
A - Take turns cooking
B - Restaurants; I want a break from cooking
C - I have all the money in the world -- bring in Wolfgang Puck
D - I plan to catch my own crab in the bay and cook it over a fire I start myself with two sticks like Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway. Can I do that in there?
E - I am a fruitarian; I believe food has feelings and I only eat fruits, vegetables, grains and nuts that have fallen to the grown and so are dead already. Don't eat that carrot salad -- it's been murdered
F - Just give me a crate of Kraft Mac and Cheese boxes to gnaw on and I'm good

5) There are a lot of historic and interesting places withing 15-55 minutes. How much sightseeing are you interested in?
A - Out of doors free/cheap: hiking, kayaking, crabbing, strolling and taking the air
B - Historic cheap -- free monuments, national museums, anything historic and free
C - browsing for antiques at a quaint historic cute stores
D - point me to the mall
E - Set me down in front of the TV, I think there's a Monk marathon on
F - I want to see everywhere George Washington slept

6) One last question. Which of these last questions do you want answered?
A - Where are the happy couple registered?
B - Who on earth is this groom guy, Ryan, and why did I get this email?

 

- J. Louise Larson